Journey To Princess Rose Petal Part 5: How is life and why did I share?

Journey To Princess Rose Petal Part 5: How is life and why did I share?

Sorry for leaving you hanging, we had a busy trade show kind of two weeks.

You can find parts 1-4 here:

http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/part-4-journey-to-princess-rose-petal.html

http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/part-3-our-journey-to-princess-rose.html

http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/part-twoof-our-journey-down-dirt-road.html

http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/emotions-getting-best-of-me.html

Where was I, Oh Yes…coming home.

The first 3 months were VERY demanding and VERY hard. It is really amazing that I was able to function at all. Between my already hectic schedule and the new demands of a second child, a very needy one, I was honestly beside myself at most times. I remember the best cries I have ever had were in my 2 second shower. Often times with her laying outside of the door.

I had never been exposed to such neglect and the impact it could have. NOT every adoption goes this way. Some are much easier and others are MUCH harder.  Her orphanage survivor  behavior got the best of me most days. In all of this, the thing was, we could see major life changing beautiful advancements too. She was learning how to be loved, disciplined, trained, family skills, and to be a part of a family.

Can you imagine being institutionalized for 5 years and seeing kids come and go, BUT not you?

She LOVED her new life and was so brave to embrace it. I can remember the day she had the mother of all fits. I was sitting with her….in the corner (facing out). We spent a good amount of time there in the first month. She looked at me with the most pitiful look. I could just feel her saying; I don’t know how to be different yet. Can’t I just be the way I am for just a little bit longer? It is so familiar and safe to me.  Without a doubt her bravery was like nothing I had ever experienced. She trusted us in spite of the structure we were putting in place for her.

One day we set out to take a walk around our block. She was on a low riding toy and took off in the street (Like get run over by a car  kind of a worry.) I called for her, but she kept going. When I caught her I explained why this was not good and took the low rider from her. She was so angry she swung her hand at my face and smacked me harder than I have ever been smacked. It was at that moment that every maturity left me. I walked away from her (Dad was there) I went home with the butterfly and her bike in my hand. I had finally had all that I thought I could take. When the two of them got back home, I refused to even look at her. I was so out of sorts. From all of the accidental head butts, fits, rages, behaviors, night terrors, Velcro child non stop, medical needs, I was finally beaten, or so I thought. She was crying. And then I caught that look on her face of absolute sorrow and grief. It was very kind that begs for forgiveness even when it does not know how to ask. I grabbed her up and gave her a hug. That was the last time she ever hit anyone again.

Each day got better as we all learned each other and she could see that we were very consistent with everything. I stayed with her EVERYWHERE for about a year and one half and until she felt secure enough to be in a Sunday School class without me there.

The journey was a lot of work, but fast forward, we have a treasure that is just blossoming. She is filled to over flowing, so funny, loves fiercely, tendered hearted and feels good in the skin she was given. She belongs.

This is National Adoption Month and Thanksgiving. I am so grateful for the family God has created for us.

I could not imagine my life without any one of our children. Would you please join me in praying for all of the children who are voiceless and do not have a family to call their own. Would you do something to help the least of these? You know what you have felt a tug to do.  Yes, we sacrificed MUCH in man’s eyes. And not all of it was “perfect and pretty” Anything we sacrificed in getting them home was all HIS. And if he opens the door to use what we have left to add another child, we will not hesitate. Things rust, get worn out and NEVER give you any love back. Investing into a life of a child will bring the best return you could ever hope to get. Generations are effected for ETERNITY by saying yes to sacrificing and daring to get a little dirty. Adoption is a miracle. Sometimes it takes a small village to get one child home. Would you search yourself?

I got to go; our beautiful once forgotten daughter is singing praise songs. I don’t want to miss that!

Happy Thanksgiving

Tammy

"There is nothing like taking a chance on love. Love is really worth it all. We were made for it."

 Our first Christmas. We were home just about 24 hours :)

 

 This year.....raising her hands in victory

The smiles of the Rose Petal

Part 4: Journey to Princess Rose Petal Back to the Hotel. Some Hard to Read

Part 4:  Journey to Princess Rose Petal Back to the Hotel. Some Hard to Read

You can find parts 1-3 here:  http://borninyourheart.com/

Before we arrived to the hotel, we had lunch.  I had remembered her being given our left overs earlier. The Rose would have her first pick of foods. WOW, did she eat. I think more than her weight. We were told that she was accustom to just two- three small bowls of rice a day.  She stuffed her little mouth so full.

At one point during a meal, Daddy had to reach in and get some of the food out as she was choking. 

Even that did not slow her sown down.

We got back to the Hotel. We played and had a bonding fun time. We noticed that she rattled when she breathed and her chest was vibrating. I was sure she had the pneumonia. We took down her hair and decided to see if she would allow us to give her a bath.  Our precious Butterfly went first to show her it was ok, and how we would bath her. She striped off her clothes, all 4 layers of them faster than Houdini. She wanted a bath. What we would see sent me away to cry in private. She had sores all over her little skeleton of a body. She had scratched them so much she had infected several of them. She was an itchy mess. She also had battle wounds of all kinds. Some of them were from being tethered (tied down to be kept in place) and others unknown.  We already knew from readying and observing that this was a common practice.  This was probably in her early years. The Hotel lobby had a really BIG teddy bear. He was in a pretty red chair. I watched her run up to Him and quickly tie his hands to the chair with the ribbons hanging off of him. That told a heartbreaking story. The smell that came from the sores on her body was very foul. It was a rotten type odor. Her chest rattle was even louder than ever without the cloth to buff it. I was sure her rash was scabies. I had a treatment for that with me. During her bath, she scrubbed and scrubbed herself for more than 1 hr. Just over and over. Three warm tub fills of water.  Each time the color was less and less dark brown. She was delighted with the warm water and her first bath.  Daddy took care of most of this while I was working on a doctor.  My loving husband sat with his knees on a hard floor, while she took her bath. We took her to a clinic. They were not sure about the rash. They gave us some medicine. They also were unsure of the chest rattle. We got some meds for that too. Now that much time has gone by, I know that the rash was food allergies. We would have years of working out her body to accept foods.  But Thanks be to a healing God, we have pretty much made it!  Her breath smelled like ammonia. I was sure she had some kidney thing going on. I could smell her stomach. Something was not right. Our child was in so much pain in her gut, it broke me. It turns out after MUCH testing that she had an

H- pylori infection.

After her bath, she loved being clean, taken care of, and having new PJ’s that matched sissy’s. We needed to be careful about that rash….I was pretty convinced it was scabies and treated her for it.L   She had so much going on; I was on high alert to protect the Butterfly. I had brought bleach wipes with me, so to add to the all of it. I became a cleaning freak.

Guess what we discovered. She has naturally wavy hair. It is so beautiful.  We were so amazed at just how perfect she was to us.  During the first handful of days I would be stretched in ways I never knew I could be. She decided that I would be all hers! AND glued herself to me. She rejected Daddy and would share her things with the Butterfly but NOT ME.  She threw the best tantrum fits I had ever seen and a lot of them. Like 10 or more a day! Kicking, screaming and rolling around.  She would eat any and all food that she could find, even off of the floor. That was really hard to watch. She would stuff her mouth so full that it would ooze from her mouth. I finally had wrapped her in a towel while she ate. She had zero eye and hand coordination and would spill everything. She also could not walk more than a few feet without falling to the ground. Her muscle tone was minimal. Her eyesight was obviously bad.  She was a hitter and her target would be Daddy.  In all of this, she was also sharing, loving, nurturing, and really trying very hard. We could see her embrace our training, disciplines, and love and that encouraged us. I had MANY melt downs. I was so ready to be HOME.

Jim’s maturity was unreal. He took each hit, smack, and issue in complete love. He knew that she was a treasure and that things would be changing. He, like our God, looked for the bigger picture of who she was. I was in freak-out mode.  AND then, I watched her sleep. Honestly…it was a highlight at that point. I was still sick myself. I also can recount how small and immature I really was. It is when you are called to something hard that you see yourself for the first time.

We were all settled in one night and then she sat straight up and began to scream and thrash and moan the most awful heart wrenching sounds I have ever heard. It immediately put me into a fear and trauma mode. I thought it was grief. It was NIGHT terrors. She was totally asleep and had no idea. After we got her settled ½ hour later, she slept peacefully. But we would have this for more than a year and often.  After that first attack, I would spend the next hour trying to pray and settle Jim down. He had become so angry at the thought of what all might be behind her terrors. He wanted to hurt someone. After some time home, I am happy to report that in HIS mercies …He healed her from those night terrors…and they went away. I fell in a deep love with her for all that she had been through after that first night terror. I knew then that I was the one that needed changed and that I would be battle worn and never the same. But, I got a new resolve and I would roll up my sleeves and work this through with Jim at my side.

We also discovered that she could not handle much. Going anywhere was too much for her. Certain fabrics would scare her. She had been pretty much confined to an area most of her life and noise, smell, sounds, and stimulus terrified her. She has DONE amazing works to push past all of this over the last three years. I am so proud of her. She is my hero.

Scary Medical exam

All during our hotel stay she would go to the bathroom and get a towel and begin to scrub the walls down? What was this motivation?  Did she feel she needed to clean to keep us? Or was this her regular job? Sometimes we would help her; other times distract her away with play.

She was so empty emotionally. She could NOT get enough love. She needed held and loved every second of every minute. It would take its toll on us. BUT, He carried us through it. Her love tank was past empty. Funny thing is, she is now so full and overflowing that she freely gives it away.

She could not be more precious or perfect. She never invited life’s harshness to herself. She was voiceless and had no say.

Our time in the hotel was hard. But, each day she gave a little and so did I.   She was learning to trust us. I admired her bravery so much. How could she know we had anything to offer her, if not for God’s work in her?

I remember arriving at the Hong Kong Airport. As the doors swung open the hallelujah Chorus began to play. It was as if it had been waiting for us. I began to feel soft drops of water roll down my cheeks. Thank you God!

She traveled like a champ across the oceans to a home that she had hoped would be hers…and it was waiting for her.

Come back and I will give you a glimpse of our first year home and who she is now.

Then I want to wrap this up to the very important reason I am sharing all of this with you.

Blessings

Tam

Part 3: Our Journey To Princess Rose Petal, She is Our Daughter!

Part 3:  Our Journey To Princess Rose Petal, She is Our Daughter!

Where was I? I think I was sharing about our time in her SWI and how she would be our daughter in just a handful of hours.

If you missed:

Part2  http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/part-twoof-our-journey-down-dirt-road.html

Part 1 http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/emotions-getting-best-of-me.html

We traveled back that same long dusty pothole highway. It took about 5 hours to get back to the city that we would “officially become her parents.”   She would travel in the early morning accompanied by the director of the SWI, and we would finally become a forever family.

Her trip took 7 hours that morning. I wonder what she was thinking while traveling down that harsh road again. Did HE fill her with all that she would need to believe that we would actually show up and be there? Did I have enough faith to believe that she would emotionally say yes to our family and allow our love into her heart? Would I be able to handle the all of her?  

She beat us there by minutes. We walked in and she came running across the room screaming in the highest little pitch, “Mommy.” I dropped to my knees and scooped her up. I remember looking at her precious face and saying, “Jessie is saying YES!!!!”  I had tears running down my face. They tried to hurry me away from her to do paperwork (If you have been down the road you know what I am talking about). Hey, give a girl a moment would you?  And then I surrendered these precious moments to do the legal important paperwork.

She would be our daughter! Our time in this meeting would be very short. She was brought with a bag of things we had sent ahead. Unopened toys, a few outfits, and a very worn and special photo album that she had clearly treasured. She knew who we each were. She had studied us very carefully in her photo album while she waited for us to come. Due to an error, she would have gotten her gifts MONTHS before she should have. I am so thankful that she did not lose hope for us coming! Her binding was torn and tattered and taped back together. My heart was touched. I wonder if she hid it under her covers and looked at it at bedtime.  I clearly remember that at least 2 hours of each day was spent in our hotel room looking at her photo album and going over and over her pictures of her family.  She demanded it!

We said our goodbyes to the director and walked towards the elevator and out into our van. There was nothing but smiles all the way.  What a brave girl! The Rose was with her family and she knew things were changing.

To be continued……The hotel and what we discovered.

Thanks for coming by...Come back for Part 4:The Hotel, Part 5 :Who she is, and part 6: why I am sharing this.

Tam

Part Two….of Our Journey Down the Dirt Road To Princess Rose Petal

11-14-2015    Part Two….of Our Journey Down the Dirt Road To Princess Rose Petal

Part 1 is here:   http://borninyourheart.blogspot.com/2014/11/emotions-getting-best-of-me.html

After all of the prayers, fears, tears, drama, and preparations, we were standing right beside our second daughter in the only place she would have known as home, her orphanage (SWI…Social Welfare institution).

Sister Butterfly would be the next to get a hug and then finally me. It was COLD, really cold, but I hardly noticed in all of this emotion.  I was blown away by her perfect acceptance of us. HE had really prepared her as we had prayed. It really was a reunion as Jim had said. We would be taken to a conference room. It was warm enough. There was fresh fruit and the Rose, “gobbled these dragon fruit things down like nothing I had never seen.”  We had brought her food treats and she gobbled those down too.  She wanted to feed me!  OH my, a tender hearted child. Months earlier after learning that this SWI did not have any toys or means for the children to play, we had the honor of helping to plant a playground and toys in the common area. So we were given a tour of that and played.  We only saw a few other children. Some were in school, others “put away”, while the rest were in foster care.

We seemed to have made a friend of another precious girl. We were told she was 13 yrs. old. She would befriend us and appear in all of all pictures. She played so well with the Rose. The common area was outside and by this time, I again felt that damp cold tickling my lungs and went into coughing spasms. The kind that makes you pee your pants. My chest began to ache. I “sucked it up to play on the new equipment with a few of the children including our new daughter and the Butterfly.”   We would be given a tour into The Rose’s room. My heart sank.  She spent five years in a small dark concrete room with several other fragile children. Oh what she must have endured. The windows had bars but no glass or way to keep the room warm and no heat.  It was probably 20 degrees inside her room. It was the best of the worst that could be. We noticed the beds were very worn and the paint was picked/chipped off. I did not stay long .   

The 13 yr old is in Pink. The Butterfly at age 6 is in black, and the Rose age 5 in red

The Rose came to us very delayed. She was 5 years old weighing 24 pounds with a developmental age of 2 1/2 years old. She also had what I am calling, “Orphanage amnesia.”  She would not recognize anyone or thing for years in her pictures. Once, When we showed her the old room and bed she slept in she said, “Mommy, Jessie does not sleep their anymore. Jessie sleeps upstairs (as she pointed to her room in our home).”

Life can be unfair in all kinds of ways. Her Social Welfare Institution was not the best nor was it the worse. I am thankful for blankets on her bed, the food and care that she got.

We would have to leave her for the day. In some ways, I could not imagine walking out of those gates without her. In other ways, I wanted to run as fast as I could from all of the feelings and emotions of oppression, depression, lack, and fear that I was feeling.

We returned the next day to a VERY excited little girl. She was hugging us and calling us Mommy and Daddy. While she was in my arms her cheeks were completely swollen out with food. SO MUCH FOOD. My heart sank when I learned our scraps from breakfast were brought back and sat down for a few of the children to devour.  She ate that food so fast to be sure to get some, that she puked in my arms.   

We spent the morning playing, observing, talking, and learning. We had brought supplies, money and toys all donated from the families before. We shared those gifts with the children and staff. All of the children were empty, slow to react, and confused as to what to do with what we were giving them.

Near the end of our allowed time, I would have an encounter with the 13 yr. old girl. She now wanted a family. After observing our time with the Rose, she wanted a mommy and daddy too. She grabbed a hold of me and practically knocked me down. She licked my cheeks (as she did not know how to kiss) and embraced me so hard. She wanted us to take her home too. Tears rolled down my heart broken checks. She would age out in a few months and loose that chance forever. She was NOT paper ready. The director of the SWI promised to get her ready so we could help find her a family. That promise would NOT be honored once we returned home. The director believed that she was NOT a candidate for foreign adoption. She would stay in the SWI.  I am crying now as I wonder what ever became of her. She would be 16 yrs. old now.  I prayed then and now that she has found the love of a family and is doing well.

By this time, in the course of the day, I had observed the Rose using the toilet on the ground, hitting, spitting and kicking an old lady, and gorging herself with foods she clearly was not used to eating.

AND she would be ours in just a few more days.  I was very quiet on the LONGGGGGGG ride back past the hanging horses, insane poverty, dirt and noise.

Trying my best to process all of this left me more than drained. I am so thankful for the GOD anointing to finish what He had started in me.  We would be her family in a few short hours. Her orphanage survivorship skills were very eye opening and alarming to me!  But through all of this, I caught a spark in her spirit, a glimmer of a hope and a very contagious excitement. Her bravery left me in awe of her. She knew that she knew that her family had FINALLY COME….and something wonderful was about to happen. On this day, things were about to finally change.

I wrote this as I was processing the all of it.

December 11, 2011, 8:00 pm


Jessie, I cannot imagine what it has been like to be you….
I would be so afraid if it were me too…

To go from what you know, understand and the place you call home..
Into a scary new place that is filled with so many unknowns..

Trust in the work that He has done inside of you…
To bring you into a beautiful place that is brand new….

Filled with a love that flows free….
To help you grow into whom you are supposed to be….

Let us take you by your hand…
And lead you into a safe new land…..

Where you will be cherished for the treasure you are…
And live a life of wonders by far…

You have to trust in the one who made you…
To safely see you all the way through…

I will look to the same sky we share just now and say another prayer…
And tomorrow we will all three be there….

It is our hope that you will choice to say yes…
And ride the road that will surely bless…

Praying for you Sweet Jessie as it all comes down to this…
It’s not about us, or you…but it’s about JESUS!


Love
Mommy

To be continued….

Thank You for coming by

Tammy

Emotions Getting the Best of Me!

Our Second daughter Born in Our Hearts

We are coming up on Princes Rose Petal’s third year with us. I find myself flooded with memories and emotions. This morning, while she was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, I came around the corner to hear her talking and singing to herself. She was cleaning her sink. I said, “Wow honey, looking good in here, thank you!”  She said, “I love my family and I want to stay with you forever. I gave her hugs and reassurance.  

Whenever we leave home, she is the first to ask when we can return back. She says, “Home sweet home. I love my home sweet home! “  I am reminded of the empty eyes of so many left behind.

For Our Rose Petal, She still has memories and fears, but healing's and love have engulfed her. For that, I am very thankful.

Jessie, you are a treasure!

Meeting  her day. Dec 9^th 2011

I specifically remember the COLD, very COLD weather. In her region, it was a wet cold. It was probably around 30 degrees.  I had a severe bronchial infection thing going on and the traveling about killed me. My cough was very alarming to a country that has endured a SARS epidemic. I tried to quiet each cough, but often that just made it all the worse. It was a very hard and long four hour drive. The roads were dirt most of the way with huge holes everywhere. I am surprised we found someone willing to drive their vehicle. I felt really bad for the damage he must have encountered. Some of the roads were impassable.

I remember the sounds and smells of Sweet Butterfly as she heaved from motion sickness.  I was not far behind her.  I brought out the Dramamine and passed it around. I remember us all relaxing and the queasy feelings easing a bit, just in time to see dead horse meat hanging from side to side of the road as far as my eyes could see. We were driving through a fresh meat market.

I kept thinking back at how that trip must have felt to our soon to be daughter. She had made it before about two years earlier and was sent back down that dusty long road.  This would be her last trip on that road!   

I had a peace about meeting her after months of fears and worries over so many “man given labels.” I know my peace was from God, BUT, “I feel sure it came through my loving and unwavering husband.” For Jim, this was not an adoption trip, it was a family reunion.

The van stopped and what a relief. I was sure we were lost. Suddenly some strange car speed up alongside of us and waved to us to follow. I was a little apprehensive as I asked our guide where we were going? Thank GOD we had a guide with us. We were in the very town she breathed her air. We would be meeting the officials in a restaurant before we were allowed to meet her.  That idea was mixed for me. I wanted to meet her right away AND food was the farthest thing from my mind (meat market).

We stepped out of the car and that was a great relief, but the bitter cold made my cough all the worst. Oh how I craved to be warm. I was certain the restaurant was going to be a nice break.

I could not believe it. NO heat inside the restaurant. We were seated in a small room with a round table. It was so cold that I could see my breath.  AND it was very dark. The orphanage officials were very anxious. We were being “observed.”  Thankfully they grew comfortable with us and cracked a smile. I think they observed the love that we showed to the Butterfly and whatever our guide told them about us must have put them to ease. We finished and were told that we could go to the orphanage now.

Her orphanage is in such a poor area it broke my heart. It is a small village area. It would be a combination of an orphanage and a home for the aging.

As we were driving down the street, I could see this little girl and a lady walking along the street. It was Our Princes Rose Petal. My heart swelled. I got Jim’s attention and I could see the tears of anticipation and raw love pouring down his cheeks. He was about to meet the daughter He knew was to be ours no matter what!

Our van pulled in, the doors swung open and Jim swiftly jumped out. I heard the cutest little squeal I had ever heard, she screamed, “Daddy.” She was in His arms.

 

To be continued……

Tammy

Survivors of Life's Harness and Champions of Faith. True Hero's for Sure!

I had 4 days in Columbus at the Mart. We have Born in Your Heart along with a few other brands we make at the show.

I went down very very grieved about a few things. 4 hours travel each day.

Born in Your Heart is a love story. It is yours to tell. Yes,we have a love story that inspired the creation, but you fill in the blanks. It is so much more than our story. It's your story.

My heart was so heavy as I traveled 4 hours a day back and forth to the Columbus Gift-mart.

But then, I watched people visibly touched by Born in Your Heart.

This one man was drawn in. He looked and read everything over. He decided He wanted a necklace. Gloria was there that day and time. I asked Him if He wanted her to sign it. He was so excited. Something about watching her sign His box broke Him. Tears were streaming down His face. I never asked or pretended to notice.

I am so surprised about how much GRIEF people carry and how her design flushes these things out. I hear peoples story's of loves gained and lost. It really is an honor to be apart of that! I must say I have had the honor of meeting some of the bravest people ever!

Survivors of Life's harness and champions of faith. True hero's for sure!


                                                                  Signing a few boxes.

Thank you for the visit.

Tammy